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Brian

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Entry #3

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Brian

asdf

Posted by Brian Apr. 22, 2008 @ 9:32 PM EDT

A black swath, a river
cuts. I stand between
two guiding white ropes.

The grass, crippled creeps,
witheringly reaping pebbles,
trodden into retreating.

A growning growl above
echoed below, resounding
around me, I should move.

...but I don't.

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2 Comments

Apr. 22, 2008 | 9:58 PM ngfan14 says:

Nice poem.


Apr. 24, 2008 | 12:51 AM Evark says:

I like it. Obvious imagery: a bridge spanning a grassy area divided by a canyon and river. What's unclear to me is the third stanza. I don't know what's growling, even though I can figure out some figurative associations, it's really unclear what it's supposed to correspond to in the reality of your imagery, although I think the ambiguity you were looking for here restricted you from making it more specific.

It's good though. I like the second stanza especially and the volta is great.

Apr. 24, 2008 | 2:17 PM Brian responds:

Well, I its an interesting poem that I came up with walking across campus. I liked a lot of the words and sounds that popped into my head, and the imagery (even if it was a bit vague), but I'll give a short synopsis of what it was about at the time.

I was walking from the center of campus to my dorm, crossing a road. I had the sudden urge to just kind of stand there and take in the entirety of campus, in the crosswalk. It was just kind of this ephiphanal moment where cars coming up and down the road were really loud, but distant. I didn't stop, but I also noticed the way the grass was shriveled up on the edge of the road and how feet had kind of ripped it up.

My campus is one of those greener campuses, but in some areas you can see how there's a clash between that green growing and what we build and where we walk and what we do.

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